Hunting Sense

From the Wife

The other day, I wrote the 12 tips for hunters. My mother-in-law, God bless her soul, sent me an email that had me laughing so much I had to share. Hopefully this will give you an inside look at Cliff…and maybe show you why he is the way he is.

Tip 12. Do not love us up after a hunting trip until you’ve showered! – Seriously, you stink, and no, it doesn’t smell all ‘manly’.

Mom’s answer: 12. When you’re hunting with the one you love, if you’re that lucky you get that deer, you never notice the smell.

Tip 11. Do your own damned laundry! – if your hunting pants stand up on their own, I ain’t touching them.

Mom’s answer: 11. Cant let them stand alone, deer will smell you.

Tip 10. Handing us a bloody hunk of deer meat is NOT the same as bringing us flowers no matter how much you think it is.

Mom’s answer: 10. I love flowers, but we’re talking deer meat here (good food).

Tip 9. The guys at camp don’t care if you belch and publicly scratch intimate parts. I do.

Mom’s answer: 9. I have to agree.

Tip 8. Our neighbours have NOT been anxiously waiting to see your kill, and it’s not considered neighbourly to butcher it on the front lawn.

Mom’s answer: 8. My neighbors love my deer hanging in the front yard. They watch me clean it.

Tip 7. Do not try to convince me deer-leg lamps or antler chandeliers are ‘chic’.

Mom’s answer: 7. Oh yes, I want that chandelier.

Tip 6. I do not want a deer head in the bedroom watching me sleep.

Mom’s answer: 6. Have to admit, I do.

Tip 5. “Fred Bear�? is NOT ‘our song’.

Mom’s answer: 5. My song is “I just want to go hunting”.

Tip 4. No, you can not do a full body mount and use it as your ‘Rudolph’ at Christmas.

Mom’s answer: 4. I get that one.

Tip 3. Never use the line, “Baby, I’m in full rut!�? and think it’s gonna get you some.

Mom’s answer: 3. I agree.

Tip 2. Dress clothes do NOT include camouflage in any form.

Mom’s answer: 2. Mossy Oak, I dressed up.

Tip 1. Do not compare the deer’s rack with mine. Ever.

Mom’s answer: 1. Right on, girl.

This is the family I’ve married into, and I wouldn’t want it any other way…even if it means deer meat instead of flowers, questionable décor choices, and funny looks at formal gatherings. Fred Bear has a good beat, after all.

Love you, mom! Thanks for the laughs.

The Wife