Hunting Sense

Here are a few hunting jokes I’ve ran across I thought may make a few of you chuckle.

Definition of Vegetarian:
Old Indian word for bad hunter.
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A few tips for you hunters out there. Memorize them!

12. Do not love us up after a hunting trip until you’ve showered! – Seriously, you stink, and no, it doesn’t smell all ‘manly’.

11. Do your own damned laundry! – if your hunting pants stand up on their own, I ain’t touching them.

10. Handing us a bloody hunk of deer meat is NOT the same as bringing us flowers no matter how much you think it is.

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Hey, y’all, I’m Bobby Joe. BJ to those of you who know me. Cliff asked me to mozy on over here to Hunting Sense and share with you one of my hunting adventures. I know it’s ’cause he’s jealous since he ain’t never seen himself a bigfoot.

Dang, I’ve done and spoiled the story for you by going and mentioning that. Oh well, maybe y’all may still enjoy it anyway, so here goes.

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What do get when you mix a deer, a helicopter, and ice together? One cool blow job!

Have you ever been rabbit kicked by a giant bunny with an attitude? Well, let me tell ya, it isn’t fun by any means. It’s kind of like getting a buzz cut with a lawnmower, which, by the way, isn’t recommended either.

The alarm went off at four this morning, and I rolled out of bed happy with what I had accomplished yesterday to salvage my planned ambush of the Easter Bunny. After a hot cup of coffee, I slid into my winter camouflage and gathered my arsenal of equipment that looked like it had been ordered from an Acme catalog. I have to admit, I did feel rather wiley as I silently made my way out the door.

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Easter is once again upon us. Along with it come baskets filled with colorful eggs, jellybeans, and chocolate rabbits. But it isn’t the chocolate variety of rabbit I’m interested in. Nope, it’s that most wascally wabbit of them all, the Easter Bunny: aka Peter Cottontail.

He’d like for you to think he’s all cute, cuddly, and caring, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. He’s one shady character, sneaking around hiding eggs from little kids and then hopping down the bunny trail before anyone spots him. That and the fact that he hangs out with a notorious group of fairies, elves, and other shadowy figures we hear about but never see.

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If you haven’t already, you really need to read the hilarious post by Rex over at the Deer Camp Blog about Bigfoot. It had me laughing for a good long while. In fact, I still find myself chuckling as I write this.

The post made me think about a smaller version of the legendary Swamp Booger from down south. If you want to go hunting for these type creatures, but are too scared because of their size, the Hairy Swamp Booger may be right up your alley. Usually no larger than a chimpanzee, they aren’t quite as intimidating as their big brothers, but prove to be every bit as cunning and elusive.

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10. You think blogging includes mud and a truck with tires taller than you
9. Your blogs for celebrities include Bill Jordan, Earnhardt Jr, and Elvis
8. Your gaming blogs are all about games with Redneck in the title
7. Your blog adds words to Jeff Foxworthy’s Redneck Dictionary
6. Your top technorati tags are Budweiser, NASCAR, & hunting
5. Your blogs name is printed on your cap and your mudflaps
4. You say reddit whenever someone recommends a book
3. You think Google AdSense can make you smarter
2. You hear fark and think about passing gas
1. Your social network is your hunting club

humor, funny, comedy, Rednecks, NASCAR, hunting, Earnhardt Jr., Jeff Foxworthy, Redneck Dictionary, Elvis, blogging, gaming, tags, technorati, fark, reddit, social network, Google, Google AdSense

ESPN Outdoors News Hound J.R. Absher’s blog about a sguirrel attack on a postal worker had me laughing. I loved his line, ‘the squirrel went postal… on a postal worker.’ The whole time I was reading it I could hear Ray Stevens’ song ‘The Mississippi Squirrel Revival’ running through my head.

I guess dogs better look at, they just may find themwselves being challenged as a postpersons worst enemy.

comedy, humor, weird, strange, news, mail, Ray Stevens, songs, ESPN, outdoors

Moose over at Moose Droppings recently posted and commented on an article about a hunting dog being abducted by two PETA workers in Virginia.  It is definitely a sad incident and shows us hunters that we are targeted more often than we realize by extremist anti-hunting activists.  I’m glad to see the laws in action that are there to protect us and our right to go afield in pursuit of our favorite past time.

I’ve never had any encounters with PETA or any other organized anti-hunting group, but I have had my fair share of run-ins with misinformed people and some plain idiots (yes, we all know they are out there) while hunting.  Especially coon hunting with hounds, something I was passionate about for many years.

One of the funniest (although at the time I didn’t think it to be) incidents I had was with a man who tied up mine and my brother’s dogs with a logchain to a tree in his back yard.  The dogs had barely six inches of chain to allow them to move and were unable to come to us when we called them.  It was apparent by the sound of their barks that they were stationary and something was wrong, it wasn’t the type of bark you hear when they are treed on a coon.

As we followed their barks, we came to the property line of the land we had gained permission to hunt.  We put our rifles down and crossed onto the private property, just wanting to collect our dogs and get back to hunting where we were suppose to be.  We continued through a wooded area and finally came out into someone’s backyard.  Shining our lights, we found our dogs tied to a tree just as I described earlier.  We then realized it was no wonder they weren’t coming back when we called them, which was highly unusual.

Fuming mad, we started to the tree to unchain the dogs when a man spoke up.  He was sitting in the dark on a trampoline, holding a gun.  We bit our tongues and apologized for the dogs crossing onto his property, all the while still trying to unchain them so we could leave this man to his peace and quite.  Well, that didn’t seem to be good enough for him.

He said a few choice words and called us a few names that didn’t sit too well with me, especially considering how he had treated the dogs.  After another apology and him continuing to spew words, I had finally had enough.  I told him that if he had just left the dogs alone, they would have been able to come when we called them. That would have got them off his property and we wouldn’t have had to come onto it to retrieve them.

He then pointed out the fact that there were posted signs on his property, and most property around the area and wanted to know why we were even there hunting.  When we told him we had gotten permission to hunt on the property adjacent to him from the landowner, he said that his property was still posted and that the dogs should have seen the signs.

I had to stop for a moment and try to grasp what he had just said.  Did he think that dogs could actually notice and read a posted sign?  I had to believe that wasn’t the case, but when I asked him to repeat what he just said and he did, I realized that was the case.

After pointing out the finer details of how most dogs I had ever met couldn’t read, we started to head out with the dogs which my brother had finally gotten untied from the logchain and tree.  The man hollered that he was going to call the cops on us and we let him know we had no problem with it, that we even in fact encouraged it.  We had every right to cross onto his property to retrieve our dogs because dogs couldn’t read posted signs.

Instead of backtracking through the thick woods nearly a quarter mile to where we had crossed the fence, we followed the road out to make for easier walking since we were leading the dogs.  We had nearly reached the area where we needed to cross back onto the property where we had permission to hunt when we saw a set of headlights coming down the road.  As it drew closer the lights on top were flipped on, it was the county sherriff.

He asked us if we were the hunters trespassing on peoples property and we proceeded to fill him in on what had taken place.  After hearing the story, he wasn’t to impressed with the guy at the house and told us we had nothing to worry about, we had done nothing wrong.  As long as we left our weapons on the property we were suppose to be on and was only going to retrieve the dogs, we had the law on our side. He wished us luck and left to go have a discussion with the guy about what had taken place and was said.

Later on we had to laugh about the whole thing, even though it was an intense and infuriating situation at the time.  It’s amazing that there are people out there who actually think that a dog who is breed to hunt and chase a ringtailed bandit hard and deep is able to stop because they just read a posted sign that they happen to come upon.  It seemed that even though our dogs couldn’t read, they were a lot more intelligent than that particular guy.

Thanks for the post that sparked the memory of this, Moose.  And sorry to all the readers out there that this turned into such a long post.  Hopefully it gave you a good laugh.

hunting, coon, raccoon, dogs, hounds, laws, rights, PETA, humor, humorous, funny, stange, weird

I ran across this article while looking for strange news.  I’ve got to say it fits the bill.

I’ve seen deer do many things, but barking isn’t one of them.  Then again, it would make sense as to why there are so many deer hunters up trees, wouldn’t it?  Combine their bark with getting an antler in the rear and I would be going up trees too.

In all seriousness though, what they reported as a ‘bark’ was likely a ’snort’, something that’s very common among deer.  It’s something usually heard when the deer is frightened.  To those who may not know, which most hunters are well aware of what it sounds like, it is the sound you make if you purse your lips like you’re saying ‘o’ and then blow with the jaws relaxed.  The deer was likely coming around from the ordeal and was expressing his fright at last.

As the article mentioned, deer are excellent swimmers and usually don’t need the help of caring but unknowledgable humans.  Even though they thought they were helping the buck, they were putting themselves in a potentially dangerous situation.  If the animal had came aboard the boat, the outcome could have been disasterous.

fishing, weird, news, deer, boats, dangerous, rescue, swimming

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Nine people were cited for shooting an elk decoy as reported in the billings gazette.

Incidents like this one show the stupidity of some people who like to call themselves hunters.

The taking of game in any unlawful manner is something serious hunters abhor.  No wonder so many people look at hunters in a negative light, the idiots out there give us a bad name.

Personally, I approve of the use of decoys to help curb the illegal taking of game animals.  It seems that many who left comments on the article believed it to be entrapment.  What do you think?

billings gazette, poaching, dumb, hunting, deer, elk

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