Hunting Sense

Being Valentines Day, I thought I’d post a short, humorous story I wrote about a Rednecks’ Valentines gift for his wife. It isn’t polished, so it could be better, but maybe you’ll still get a chuckle out of it. If not, just don’t hang me with a new rope, ok?

Redneck Valentines Day Gift

I never figured on me ending up out here with the ol’ hound on Valentines Day. Shoot, if anything, I figured that me and ol’ Chopper would have been being treated like royalty about now. Guess that just shows no matter what, ya aren’t likely to satisfy a woman, even when ya listen to her.

See, the wife has been going on for a while now about wanting one of them there nice fur coats. She dropped hints every now and then, and I think she didn’t think I was listening to her, but I was. That there is about where this trouble began.

Being the good husband I am, I wanted to make sure the lil woman got what she wanted, so I came up with a plan to get her that there fur coat she wanted. Wasn’t no way I could afford buying one, but with a coon dog like ol’ Chopper that didn’t matter. With a dog like him, I could get enough coon skins to make her a hundred fur coats like she wanted, and not spend hardly a dime doing it.

So when fur season opened up, me and ol’ Chopper set our plan into motion. We spent nearly five nights a week going into the woods after them there clever ol’ coons. I even put up with the nagging from the lil woman about going hunting so often, since she had no idea what we were doing it for. And as the season went on, ol’ Chopper and me started getting a good collection of hides built up.

Ol’ Chopper is getting up there in years though, and he ain’t quite as quick as he use to be on treeing. He’s also started treeing some off game, but one has to expect that sometimes, so we cut it a lil closer than what we should have, but we got enough skins to start making the wife her coat for a Valentines Day gift. The problem was, they needed time to dry and we were short on time, so we had to make some short cuts.

Yeah, maybe we didn’t get all the dirt and blood out of the fur, but we had them stretched and drying close to the fire in the workshop in record time. Besides, when we moved ‘em a little closer to the heat, a lot of the blood was taken care of when the hairs got a lil cinged. Anyways, by the time we got sewed ‘em into her coat, you could hardly notice any of that stuff. By the time we were done, all we could see was that it was the most beautiful black and white coat we had ever seen and was sure she’d love it.

What she seemed to be the most upset about was the size and the smell. I’ve never been good about sizing things, but I did my best to size her up and fit the coat. I’m pretty sure that she’s lost weight, cause the coat was about four sizes to big for her. And somehow that led her to thinking I thought she was fat. And then she started in about the smell.

I’m pretty sure there weren’t no smell, cause I spent a lot of time working with them hides, but she swears they smelt worse than the outhouse on a hot summer day. So with that, she threw the coat at me and kicked me and ol’ Chopper out the door. Her last words before the door slammed shut were that me, ol’ Chopper, and the fur coat could spend the night on the front porch, or the outhouse right where the coat belonged, as far as she was concerned.

I guess next year I’ll know better than to try to make the lil woman anything out of the skunk ol’Chopper is still lucky enough to tree.

hunting, Rednecks, coon hunting, fur coat, humurous